how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
