I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize