We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
