Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
FUCK WHALES
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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