I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
