I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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