So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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