I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
