the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
