i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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