The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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