I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
