and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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