cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
