yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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