the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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