I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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