its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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