I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
