yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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