Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
