So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
