Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
