I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize