i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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