doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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