Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
