I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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