literally had 100 drinks last night.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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