Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
