Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
