i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
