I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
