I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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