Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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