I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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