Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
