The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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