After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
