i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
