Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
