DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize