You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
