when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
