VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Everything about him screamed your future.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
