he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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