I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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