The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
