She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize