My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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