yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
