So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
