I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
