I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
