toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
