i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
