her vagine was all disorganized.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
