dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
