why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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