Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
