You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
