So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
