Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
