Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
