I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
