Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
