Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
