He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
