I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
