I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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