The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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