don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
