you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
