hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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